Final Destination.

I was driving home from the city.  I wasn’t really paying attention.  I wasn’t doing anything else ,but my mind was elsewhere.  I realized I had been in the far right exit lane the entire time and it’d soon be turning into an “exit only” lane, so it was time to move over.  I glanced over my shoulder, checking my blind spot.  I peeked into my mirrors and looked back one more time to be sure, then, signal on, I started switching lanes.  Suddenly an asshole in some sort of red sedan flies into my lane, speeds up, and nearly hits me, causing me to swerve back into my lane to avoid him.

Of course, I’m cursing, and now I’m pissed.  The driver is a middle aged man, probably showing off for the blonde who is half his age and is perched in the passenger seat, giggling.  I still have plenty of time before I’m forced to exit, so I decide right then and there if I want my revenge, I’ll just get really close to his bumper.  He’s already ridiculously close to the car in front of him, in an effort to get it to speed up, why not give him a taste of his own medicine?

I speed up and as I’m approaching his car, I see cars much farther up ahead swerving.  Brake lights.  I slam on my breaks and stay away from his bumper.  This guy is going to slam his car into the one in front of him and if I’m not careful, I could be collateral damage.  I try to scan the emergency lane ahead to see what the swerving was about and if there was an accident.  Right as I look back, we are approaching where the first cars has begun to swerve.  I see him run it over in his car and now, although my car is a few car lengths behind, this twisted metal bumper is hurtling itself towards my windshield. It’s bouncing of the pavement of the freeway, flipping end over end, as it flies at me.

I can feel my eyes widening in fear, and I begin to panic.

Do I swerve left and avoid the bumper hitting my person, but run the risk of it going through the passenger side?  Although it’s empty, it will still cause detrimental damage and there’s no assurance I’ll be okay.  There are also other cars to my left, any of which I could collide with.

Do I swerve right?  I’d be bringing myself into the direct line of the flying shrapnel, but I might be able to make it into the emergency lane without problem.  But should I not swerve far enough over, I’ll have lined myself up perfectly with the bumper, and it is definitely over.

These thoughts ran through my head at four times the speed the bumper was approaching.  It felt like minutes, but was probably under seconds.  I swerved to the right, screaming the entire time.  The bumper hit the front of my car and cartwheeled over it.  It nicked my front bumper and roof, but missed both the windshield and rear window.

I felt like I was going to throw up.  There was so much adrenaline pulsing through my body I forgot about the idiot driver and the random piece of metal and everything that had just happened.  My mind began to go back to a series of movies I love: Final Destination.  I just had a moment straight out of their script.  Had that bumper made it into my car, killing me, it would have caused a major accident.  It would have been a freak accident, and I avoided it.  I was so proud of myself.  I wasn’t mad or afraid or upset, but proud.  Proud that I had cheated death.  Proud that I had come up with the right solution.  Proud that I was still alive.

The Most Shocking Thing -nsfw due to language

I overheard the most shocking thing at the dog park the other day.  An older woman (let’s call her 55+) was chatting to a friend about her German shepherd.  I was eavesdropping because there isn’t much to do at the dog park other than watch Tank wear himself out.  She was talking about going on trips and how she doesn’t trust many people because her dog is like her child. I understand.  My dog is like my child.  I have so many pictures of him that people probably think I’m a total nut job.  Anyway, they continue talking and I guess a mutual friend of theirs is moving away and can’t take her dog, so she gave him to a good friend.  The woman who owned the German shepherd looked shocked.  She immediately said that was the cruelest thing anyone could do and if she couldn’t keep her dog for any reason, she’d have him put down.

wtf? WHAT…THE….FUCK?  Who the…What in the hell kind of logic is that?  Excuse my language, but that lady is one fucked up piece of shit.  Putting your dog down because it can’t live with you anymore?  Dog lover my ass.  If I couldn’t keep Tank anymore (which will never happen, I mean, I lived in a CAR with that dog for 6 months), I would find the best home I could for him.  But no, this bitch would kill her dog.  “I’d put him down.  It’d be too hard on him to be without me.”  Sure.  Might as well have said “I’m so fucking great, this dog would die without me.  To save him the agony, I’m just gonna kill him, death row status.”  What in the fuck?  If a dog is not severely ill and in a lot of incurable pain, you do not put them down.  I’ve had to put down a dog before and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done.  The only thing that helped me was knowing he wasn’t suffering anymore, but to put down a dog that isn’t suffering?

And I am a dog person.  DOG PERSON.  I treat my dogs like humans.  I believe they have feelings, they miss people, they get depressed, but if you put that dog in a good home, who’s to say they won’t be happy without you?  For all you know that dog is just waiting for your idiot ass to kick the bucket.  This was just shocking and upsetting.

To make matters worse, I googled “putting a dog down because you can’t keep them” and it happens ALL THE TIME.  People would rather kill their dog than give it to a friend or adopt it out.  Shit, even a no-kill shelter is better at that point, and she has a gorgeous purebred German shepherd.  I’m positive there are German shepherd rescue groups out there who would be more than happy to take in her dog.

THIS WHOLE THING IS INFURIATING AND RIDICULOUS.

If this bothers you as much as it did me, you probably feel like punching an old lady right now.  So we avoid any violence, here are pictures of my baby boy, Tank:

Why Does This Double Standard Exist? (nsfw)

Outside of a historical hindering of female sexuality (like the original thought that a female orgasm didn’t exist and what women were experiencing was an illness) why are women who frequently engage in sexual acts seen as lower-grade?  Although times are changing and kids, yes, KIDS are engaging in sexual acts, virgins are like unicorns, and more and more women are promoting promiscuity (with a lot of help from the internet and camera phones, haha).  Still, most women who sleep around and do a lot of the things men are praised for are put down.  Why?

Sex is something we all love to do, yet when a woman leaves a man’s house the morning after, its a “walk of shame”.  I’m 23 and do not sleep around.  I’ve had maybe two one night stands and yet my friends call me a whore.  Why?  Because I have no problems having sex without attachment.  Honestly, the fact that I probably would have had more partners under my belt if my parents weren’t so protective and my friends allowed me to leave with randoms at bars shouldn’t make me feel guilty or make me look bad.  Girls are the ultimate cockblock, as I’m sure both guys and girls have realized.  Try and get a girl who’s out with a group of her friends to separate from the pack and go home with you…good luck.  Her friends will probably tell her she doesn’t want to do that, it’ll be a mistake, he isn’t even that hot, or any number of things to convince her that one night stand is a bad idea.  Safety does play a key role in it, you’re not going to let your friend go home by herself with some random guy, BUT there’s also the “you don’t want to be *that* girl” side of it.  Why?  What’s wrong with being *that* girl?  Why is it frowned upon to have sex without attachment?  Why can’t a girl sleep with a different guy on sunday than she did on saturday?  Why can’t she rack up one night stands like notches on a bedpost and be considered “a player”?  Oh, and on a quick tangent-let’s be honest here guys, you’re not a “player” if you spent $50 on drinks and $20 on a cab to get her to come with you.  You either got her drunk enough to not care or she wanted it in the first place and just let you spend money on her.

Anyway, despite all the advances in thinking about sex and the movement from it being hidden behind closed doors to promoted on every tv show, women still aren’t allowed to live like men in the sense that promiscuity is frowned upon for women and celebrated in men.  Women don’t get high fives for sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend or for how many guys they’ve managed to fuck, and I think we should get a little bit of recognition.  Haha.  Just saying.

Now here’s a few (possibly bias) reasons I think women are always going to be seen this way (yes, another list):

-Women should have standards, men don’t.

-Women are praised for being tight, and people still believe too much sex causes looseness. Men, however, don’t have anything remotely similar to that problem.

-Women are supposed to be lady-like; men are horn-dogs.

-Women are told sex is special and shouldn’t be taken lightly, but for men it’s a way of life.

-No girl wants to be known as “that slutty friend”, but every guy wants the title of “ultimate player”

What Women Want

No one knows exactly what women want…even women don’t know.  It’s one of those puzzling questions that cannot be answered because women seem to have such different tastes.  The joke is men are happy with a naked woman and beer/food brought to him as he sits on the couch and women need…everything.  While some women are definitely hard to please and others are ridiculously easy to please, the spectrum is so vast that even an over generalized list of “what women want” has never been created, nor will it be.  However, I do have a few ideas on the matter and, being a female over the age of 18, I feel I might have just a little insight into the matter.

We hear the “nice guys finish last” saying all the time.  As a girl who typically falls for “assholes”, let me clarify why this works.  Imagine a girl in a bar or club who has guys constantly coming up to her, offering to buy her drinks and telling her how gorgeous she is.  Now there is nothing particularly wrong with any of these guys except they are all the same.  They’re all fawning over her for no real reason outside of her looks, giving off a slight stench of desperation, and doing the same thing every guy who has ever tried to pick her up has done.  Meanwhile there is a guy standing across the bar with his friends.  He’s made eye contact with her quite a few times and for some reason refuses to go over there.  Why?  Am I not good enough for you?  I’m good enough for all these pathetic guys and you are obviously just as pathetic and, granted, you’re somewhat hot, but still, you are NOT too good for me.  BOOM.  There it is.  It’s not the best scenario, but it gets my point across. Yes, all girls want to be spoiled and treated like the center of a guys universe, but most of us believe (whether rightly so or not) that we can get that attention from anyone, anywhere.  The right outfit, good makeup, and any girl is pretty close to guaranteed to be approached when she goes out.  What she wants is the challenge.  She doesn’t want you to walk up to her, buy her a drink, and kiss her ass all night.  Girls love “projects”.   Whether it’s taking in a girl who and helping her change herself (Clueless is a great example) or it’s taking an douchey asshole guy and making him into the perfect husband.

Here are a few reasons (off the top of my head) most chicks fall for the “asshole” type:

  1. He’s funny.  Sure, he’s also offensive and sometimes doesn’t know what is funny and what is crossing the line, but he’s fast with the comebacks, remarks, and jokes.
  2. He’s smart.  Maybe he doesn’t have a doctorate degree, but he’s witty.  Guys who are assholes tend to know a little about everything so they can always be right and prove everyone else wrong.
  3. She is good enough to change him.  His reputation as a womanizing, sexist pig is going to change.  Why? Because I’m worth growing up a little and settling down.
  4. He needs her help.  This relates to #3.  All those girls he’s dated in the past weren’t there for him, to help him grow and mature.
  5. Romantic comedies.  I cannot stress this enough.  A Walk to Remember.  My Best Friend’s Girl.  The Green Lantern. I’m sure the list is endless.  Sweet, attractive, smart girl puts up with asshole guy because she wants to see him make something out of himself, feelings get hurt, but in the end they live happily ever after.
  6. He makes her work for attention.  Instead of clinging to her and complimenting her every move, he rarely throws out compliments.  If anything, he’ll make fun of her for something before he compliments her.  This would seem to be a con to most people, but its about quantity over quality.  Telling a girl she’s beautiful every day might make her feel good, but surprising her by saying it when it seems totally out of character will make her feel amazing.  If she really put effort into looking nice and the asshole notices, it means so much more than a parroted “You’re so beautiful” from the nice guy.
  7. Need more reasons?  Here’s a little video from a “nice guy” about why girls are attracted to assholes.

As much as we bitch about trying to find “the perfect guy”, most (not all, but definitely most) tend to fall for a guy who is slightly more crude, rude, and immature than the guy who’s sweet, does everything you’ve ever wanted, and fell right out of a Nicholas Sparks novel (I mean, they all end up tragically dying or something anyway, right?).  Maybe girls wouldn’t want to date Tucker Max, but I can assure you that the reason they friend zone the nice guys is because they can’t help but be attracted to the bad boy/asshole guy.  Agree with me or not,  I’ve seen this over and over, not just in my life, but in the lives of coworkers, friends, family, you name it.  Think of it this way: nice guys in the friend zone still want to be with that girl who takes them for granted, doesn’t show them the same amount of affection back, and frustrates them…and how do these asshole boyfriends treat these girls?  Ponder that.