I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I know a lot about many things and nothing about others. Some people, however, are under the illusion they know everything. These people need to stay away from me. Far, far away. Trust me, it’s for their own good. Everyone has a few things they have a lot of knowledge about due to their past experiences, but some people think they should tell you how to do just about everything (I had someone lecture me on the proper way to fill an ice cube tray…wtf). Don’t lecture me on something I know everything about because one of two things will happen – I’ll tune you out completely or I’ll school you and make you look like the idiot you really are (usually the latter occurs, haha). Here are three things I cannot stand people trying to tell me about when they obviously have no fucking clue.
- Pet training. I have dogs, and I always have. I also have many other pets and outside of researching how to train and care for these pets before getting them (something everyone should do), I have a lot of firsthand knowledge. If I make my dog do thirty commands before giving him dinner, let me. Don’t interrupt. Don’t say I’m being cruel. A well-trained dog is essential, especially if you own a pitbull. If I want to take his food from him mid-meal or mess with it, let me. There’s a reason for it. If I’m punishing him, don’t intervene. This especially bothers me when people don’t have dogs themselves. I don’t tell you how to raise your children, don’t interfere with how I raise my dog. I also recently acquired a parrot from someone who falls into this “I know everything and will insist on telling you you’re doing it wrong” category. Within twenty minutes of meeting the bird, she had already learned that “up” means step onto my hand. He, on the other hand, couldn’t touch her without being bitten. He’d yell at her and actually poke or shove her when she was doing something wrong. Birds respond to soft voices and do not take physical punishment well. It’s no wonder he ended up giving her to me because he couldn’t handle her. If you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t pretend. We all know the truth and you’re making a fool out of yourself.
- Relationships. I am not the person you want to go to for relationship advice. I will give you advice based on what I think a relationship should be, but as far as solid, credible advice, I am discrediting myself. However, I don’t go around butting into people’s relationships and claiming I know exactly how they work. A lot of people who have less credibility than I do think they are the ultimate in relationship advice because…well, I don’t really know why. I’m going to assume they watch too many movies and television shows. The thing about relationship advice is it tends to be case specific. Unless I know the person relatively well, I am hesitant to give advice outside of the obvious. People love to tell me I shouldn’t do x, y, or z for whatever reason, but just because you wouldn’t do it or it wouldn’t work for you, doesn’t meant it wouldn’t make me happy. And that’s the most important part of a relationship, isn’t it? Both parties need to be happy with what’s going on. If I don’t outright ask for your advice, chances are I don’t want or need it.
- My medical condition. I have had a renal (kidney) conniption since I was 15. I am very open about it because it isn’t a common condition and what I went through (from months in hospitals twice a year to chemotherapy) is something I like sharing because we had to make many tough decisions and I learned a lot. Sometimes I tell these stories and people feel it’s okay to tell me things like “oh, well, what you should’ve done was this” or “this probably caused that”. Excuse the fuck out of you, but do you even have an inkling of an idea about what you’re talking about? I know how this works; I lived it. People who have never been hospitalized in their life have said things like “why didn’t they give you morphine for your pain? Your doctor must be terrible.”. No, actually, my doctor is pretty damn fucking brilliant. Morphine can have adverse effects and considering the amount of medications I was on, other painkillers were used, even though they weren’t as effective due to safety. It also pisses me off when people get on my case about going against doctor’s orders. In a hospital a general doctor sees you and maybe fifty other patients a day. Usually this doctor has an intern or team of interns who brief them on your condition before they come in to do rounds. My renal specialist, however, knows all of his patients forwards and backwards, so if my general doctor at the hospital says one thing (one example was when he attempted to fit me with a catheter and I threw a fit) and I know there is another option, I check with my specialist and usually get what I want (since I was fully mobile and a catheter can pose an extra infection risk for patients with a low immune system, I was allowed to avoid having one). To this day I get people saying things like, “You should take Aleeve for your headache because its better for you than Tylenol,” and when I try to explain that due to my medical condition I can’t have Aleeve, they act like because they’ve had headaches all their life they know more than I do. Save your breath before I knock it out of you.
All in all, I believe you should give advice only if it is asked of you. You might not know the reasoning behind their actions and there could be a very valid reason they are doing something a specific way. Just because it isn’t *your* way, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.